im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize