Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
COCAINE IS GR8
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
