He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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