You're my little dorito
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I am spending my child support on dildos
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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