im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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