She said her name was "party"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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