if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Blood and glitter go together right?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
