I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
