elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
