You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
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We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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