I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize