i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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