Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
