Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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