Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
