you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
