woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
