the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
