Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
