didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you still have your period?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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