apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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