How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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