is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
