I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How does it feel to date your dad?
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