piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
