Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
