I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
