shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Randomize
