I'm gonna have a badass scar
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize