so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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