He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
