I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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