He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
