while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
