mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just took my morning after pill in the library
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
