Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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