I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
