guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
