btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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