You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how can u be prego again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
