Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
