At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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