I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
