Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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