I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
