I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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