um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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