yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
