you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
