GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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