In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize