I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
