don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
