We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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