She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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