Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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