U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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