did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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