I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
