I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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