Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
