He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
