Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
