I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
