last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
