apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
