dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
