Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
