I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
