Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love accidental penises.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
