I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
