Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
